The Rat Race
Why am I running the rat race, and is it worth it?
Back in high school, my buddy and I would meet up in the library for our self-proclaimed intellectual discussion club. It was just two 18-year-olds talking about jobs, money, and the meaning of life during our free periods. We would even have “coffee chats” with folks ten years older, and then report back the following day with what we learned on call.
One topic from those conversations stuck with me: the rat race. Every new win seems to come with a new goal. For most of my peers, the track usually looks like this: Wharton → Investment Banking → Private Equity → ???
Each win comes with short-lived excitement, but shortly after, we put our heads down to continue training for the next race. It’s a never-ending spiral of challenges that’s exhilarating and keeps us busy throughout our lifetime. However, after a while, you start to question the meaning of it all.
I’m lucky to have lived through a few wins like getting into Wharton, receiving my investment banking offer, paying for my junior + senior year college tuition, and signing my full-time buyside offer. With less than 6 days before graduation, 14 days before I travel to Vietnam, and 60 days before I move into my NYC apartment — I’m rethinking this rat race.
Importantly, I wonder to myself what got me into this race in the first place? The goal of this essay is to revisit what my high school self questioned and hope to offer a perspective to my younger self.
I. Why join the rat race?
I was always competitive growing up, not because I wanted to be the best, but because I couldn’t afford to lose. As the eldest in the family, my Asian immigrant parents had sky-high expectations. For them, leaving everything behind in China to work an unsexy job means their kid has to go to Harvard (yes, Harvard was their dream for me) and earn a crap load of money. They’re business folks and that was their ROI question.
And they ingrained the pressure into me from the very beginning. I grew up working in their Chinese restaurant during the blazing summers, taking customer orders when it was busy and reading books in the corner when it was slow. I worked until 11pm, walked home, got up for school the following morning, and repeated this five days a week. If you’re wondering, I also worked on the weekends. Looking back, those formative years grounded me in who I am today, but would I ever go back and work there? Hell no.
For me, this was the fire in the belly — the chip on the shoulder. It’s what motivates me to grind in high school and college to get into that dream school (sorry mom, Wharton > Harvard) and dream job. Reflecting on my childhood, I owe much of my success to my parents. They showed me that one can literally start from nothing, but hustle and grind can get you far in life.
Having been out of the restaurant for years now, I sometimes forget my roots and why I’m running the race that I run. It eventually comes back to family and helping them escape the hundred degree restaurant weather. That is my why to joining the rat race.
II. Chip on shoulder
Surprisingly, the restaurant brought together skills that turned me into the person that I am today. Being the “kid behind the counter,” I interacted with customers every day and learned to make small talk. Working until 11pm checking orders as a 6th grader every day taught me… how to deal with late nights and still have attention to detail.
I learned that there’s no free lunch when my mom scolded me for handing the customer one extra duck sauce packet. You get the point.
However, what was most important wasn’t the business lessons or accounting that my parents taught me. Instead, it was instilling this chip on my shoulder. Growing up in an immigrant household and working in the restaurant gave me an almost inherited chip on my shoulder that drives my ambitions.
As I got older, I felt this constant desire to prove myself to my parents, relatives, and the world. It’s what drove me for the past few years with colleges and jobs. This has changed slightly for me as I enter post-grad. What gets me excited now isn’t to only prove to others what I can achieve, but it’s also proving to myself that I can be the best at what I do. What’s the driving force behind this? The chip on my shoulder.
This requires a bit of delusion and dream, but life’s not fun without a little bit of delusion, right?
III. Worth it?
So, why am I questioning the rat race?
Why am I conflicted about whether the rat race is worth it? I spent the majority of this essay sharing that my parents gave me this chip on my shoulder, and now I’m out in the world doing this for them… and myself.
Nearing graduation and seeing my closest friends move to the West Coast made me reflect on my relationships. One friend shared with me something quite profound: “Allen, we’ve spent 95% of our time together already.”
I applied this not only to my friendships, but to my family as well. We had meals every day in high school; college is far fewer with certain holidays; working full-time in high finance is even worse.
The chip got me into the rat race, but the rat race costs me time with the people the chip was originally for.
I don’t know what that means for me yet, but it’s something I’ve been wrestling with lately.
To my 18-year-old self who was discussing life during intellectual discussion club: Four years later, I’m sorry I still don’t have the complete answer for you, but I hope to figure it out in my new chapter in NYC with my family and friends.